Pay Attention!

I received the following statistics:

Back-to-school is around the corner, and a NEW survey of over 1,500 families is revealing interesting information about developmental delays in kids...

• 62% see speech and language delays
• 41% experience sensory challenges
• 1 in 3 have feeding struggles
• 37% report emotional regulation concerns (like meltdowns)

On top of this, 45% of families have no services in place despite seeking help.

Now, I haven’t verified this data, but I believe it is worth presenting because I have very strong opinions about these issues. Let’s start with the last comment regarding the difficulty receiving services. The best way to receive services for your child is to involve your pediatricians, who keep lists of specialists and can intervene to speed up the process of obtaining appointments. The warning for 2025 is that in the current political situation getting money to support these services will be more difficult. Nevertheless, the Danbury area has three major pediatric centers in addition to local specialists. Don’t assume you can’t get help, and don’t give up. Especially if English is not your first language be sure that your doctors can interpret your needs. Federal and state regulations require translation services if needed at all appointments in Connecticut.

I believe that parents should not be expected to handle their children’s disabilities on their own. That being said, there are some relatively simple steps that parents should take that may minimize or prevent problems. Often your pediatrician has experience with these steps.

1. We need to recognize if your child has autism. Autism is a process, and it is not a single disorder. That means when we recognize autism early, we can often change the course for the better. It is important to distinguish between social-emotional, communication, and relationship problems. Since children with autism are often easily over-stimulated, it is important to avoid situations that lead to meltdowns. Generally, access to developmental specialists is key.
2. Lots of children with social, emotional, communication, and relationship problems are not autistic. Their need to have a stable home life and to interact with caregivers. Their needs often are at odds with the difficulties that parents have with divorce, substance abuse, career and job problems, and issues with finding childcare. Your children may also be affected by the anxiety regarding the current administration’s unreasonable attacks on minority populations. What can you do? First, set up a regular schedule for mealtimes, bedtime, homework, and playtime. Spend time with your child. Ask pointed questions about their day if they are old enough to respond. Talk to your child! Even a newborn will appreciate hearing your voice. As I have said before, your child will eventually learn English very quickly no matter what. Speak in the language you speak best. When your child gets older, it would wonderful if they can communicate with a relative who doesn’t speak English. So many children act like it’s too much trouble to speak their parents’ language and then regret it later.
3. Read to your child! Children’s books, newspapers, comic books – it doesn’t matter. When they get older, have them read to you. Older kids like to complain when you ask them to do something that doesn’t involve using their phones, but your interaction with them is very important. They will learn they can come to you when they have a problem. And speaking of phones, the number one thing you can do starting when your child is ready to interact with the world is to get rid of screens. When you are arranging childcare, make sure your child isn’t being propped up in front of a television while the carer is doing something else. Make sure your child is being stimulated emotionally and intellectually when they are with you and when they are with childcare. I can’t emphasize enough that solo time on tablets, phones, game devices, and television must be rationed carefully. You are your child’s most important teacher during the child’s first five years – and when they go to school as well.
4. One word about feeding struggles – it’s not personal. It’s not a power struggle. If you are unhappy with the way your child refuses what you offer, it’s usually your problem not your child’s. In a month most children wind up eating what they need. And their appetite is based on their growth. Eating doesn’t make children grow. Growing makes them eat. Your pediatrician can reassure you.

Finally, pay attention to your child. Especially when they are small, they need to know you approve. Whatever it is they are doing, you need to verbally appreciate it. Otherwise they’ll do something to make you disapprove. What they crave is attention. They should hear “Yes! That’s great” ten times for every “No! That’s wrong.” Parenting is a hard job. It doesn’t come with a handbook. I know you’re tired and scared and miserable. The best part of your day should be being with your child. But you don’t have to do it alone. Don’t hesitate to get help when you don’t know what to do next.